This year B and I decided we were not going to travel and we were not going to spend time with family on Thanksgiving. B actually had Thanksgiving day (and night) off, which is extremely rare. However, with going through this last cycle and trying to keep up with things at work and life in general, we were/are both exhausted. It also seemed exhausted dealing with the, “why aren’t you drinking” and “when are you two going to have a baby” comments from extended family. You would think intuitively people would pick up on the fact that we told people TWO FREAKING YEARS AGO that we were “trying” to have a baby and the fact that we don’t might possibly mean that something is wrong and be sensitive about the topic. Whether people are just not that smart or they are just too wrapped up in their own lives to notice, it is just too much for us to handle…me in particular.
B doesn’t seem as bothered by these things. I think this is because 1) He’s pretty quiet and keeps to himself in general so as to avoid chatting it up with people; and 2) Nothing is different with him physically. I’m the one that changes my drinking/eating habits (i.e. no caffeine, alcohol, raw foods, etc). I’m the one that feels and looks bloated due to the IVF meds. I’m the one that feels crampy and sometime nauseous from the progesterone. I’m the one who constantly has the prometrium dripping down into my underwear. All of these things contribute to me not wanting to be around people. And this is all on top of the most difficult thing to deal with of all…not having a very pregnant belly to give us the promise of a baby or a baby to share the holidays with. I just don’t feel like celebrating much of anything when the one thing we want most we can’t have (for the moment at least) and it’s possible we may never have.
Staying home for Thanksgiving was a good move this year. I feel pretty proud of us for making a decision that is protective of us and our feelings. We had a great day. We took a couple walks with C, made a nice meal that we ate on our wedding china, I made turkey soup, and we were able to just relax. We watched TV, spent time just talking, playing with C, and got to wear comfy clothes all day long. It was great. Of course it was impossible to keep thoughts of whether this cycle would be successful or not out of my mind, but at least I was in the comfort of my own home and felt comfortable enough letting the tears flow. There were a few moments in which we commented about hopefully having a baby this time next year.