Night Before Retrieval

I took the Ovidrel trigger shot on Saturday night at 8:15pm.  Retrieval is tomorrow at 8:15am so we need to be there at 7:15am.  At my appointment on Saturday, there were 15 mature follicles total, but the nurse said there could be more at retrieval and if there were, the doctor would find them.  I’m nervous for tomorrow.  There is less anxiety about the unknown since this is our 2nd retrieval.  I know the process.  I know my body responds as it should to anesthesia.  Last time there were only 5 eggs, so it was a quick in and out and not much poking around.  This time there is the potential for retrieving 15 or more eggs.  This makes me worry about feeling a bit more sore than last time.  There is discomfort in feeling “comfortable” with the process.  I don’t want to be a regular.  I didn’t imagine having to go through IVF more than once.  But here we are.  In starting out with more eggs, we have the chance for a 5 day transfer this time around and the chance for multiple blasts to freeze.  Intellectually, that sounds like great news, but the reality is this still might not work out for us.  I just want to be pregnant.  Lately I can’t stop having the thought “this isn’t fair”.  It is SO easy for SO many people!  Why can’t it be easy for us?  My heart aches everyday wishing I had life growing inside me.  I’m definitely in the bitter phase of emotions.

There will be incredible disappointment if we have another failure.  I don’t know how I will be able to cope if we receive bad news again.  For now, I am trying my best to stay positive and push all of the negative thoughts and self-doubt aside.  I’m hoping for a successful retrieval and fertilization report on Tuesday.  Wish us luck!

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