…and I’m kinda freaking out right now. I have been googling early pregnancy symptoms since my last post. I’m pretty sure that is what has done me in. I’ve found many blog posts and postings on pregnancy boards that confirm the “full feeling” in your uterus as a symptom as everyone that posted about it later confirmed they were indeed pregnant. I’ve completely set myself up here. After our fresh cycle I felt nothing…no changes in my body at all. And now with this frozen blast cycle I am convinced I am pregnant because my body feels different. How can I actually trust my body to know something like this? If we get a negative result tomorrow I do not know how I will deal. I got myself way too pumped up in the positive direction…if it’s a negative it’s going to be a very long way down for me.
I will be going in late to work tomorrow after the blood draw, but I didn’t take the day off. I hate missing work and I’ve missed a lot due to infertility. Actually, I only miss 3 days each year and that’s because they are Flex days and if we don’t use them we lose them. And now, I’ve missed a lot and I don’t want to deplete my sick time for when we actually do become pregnant so I will have some paid leave left over. Ugh! I can’t believe I got myself so fired up about this. Even when I start to think negatively or not even negatively, but just trying to talk myself back down to reality, my brain just goes right back to believing we will have a positive. I’m terrified for a negative result, but even as I write this, I feel it’s positive. How can that be? How can I be so sure of something, yet so scared the thing I’m sure of is not true? It’s nuts!
I’m going to ask the nurses not to call me until after 2pm tomorrow since I’ll be at work the rest of the day and I can’t stand the thought have having to work the rest of the day wondering when they will call. And then if they did call before 2pm, how would I make it through the rest of the day if it is negative….or positive. I would have zero focus. But if it is negative, I’m sure I would go into complete meltdown mode. Of course I can just leave work and send my boss a note saying I had to leave early, but I would hate that trapped feeling even for a second. So I don’t know if the nurses can/will comply with my request, but hopefully it is a non-issue. Last time they called around 2:30pm so I’m guessing that is about when they make their calls.
I hope I can sleep tonight, so I can make it through the day tomorrow…