I feel so much better now that I told you…

This is what one of my closest friends from childhood said to me on the phone earlier.  This was right after she told me she was 17 weeks pregnant.  I hate that she was obviously dreading telling me what should be wonderful news, but I also hate that somehow my knowing she is pregnant gave her some relief.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I did not feel relief from this.  I felt a little funny that she waited so long to tell me.  So my two BBF’s from childhood are now pregnant with their second children (all 4 of these pregnancies were conceived in month 1 of trying, so apparently it is easy for some people).  These pregnancies were planned out exactly.  They wanted to be pregnant with their first children at the same time (mission accomplished) and they wanted there to be 2 years between their 1st and 2nd child (mission 2 accomplished).  I did much better receiving the news this time.  I only cried a single tear and got choked up for a few seconds.  When my other friend told me she was pregnant, I had a complete hysterical break down.  I think it had a lot to do with the timing.  I think I have also come to accept that everyone’s life does not stand still just because mine life has come to a stand still.

They are both good at listening and checking in to see how I’m doing and where we are in the process, but they obviously just don’t get it.  Whenever I talk to my one friend (I have to admit I have been avoiding her since she told me she was pregnant, which was also 2 days before I found out our first IVF cycle was put off for another month) I don’t ask about how her pregnancy is going.  I didn’t ask her due date.  I know nothing other than she is pregnant.  I feel like a bad friend in this respect, but I also have to be protective of myself.  They can’t control that it’s easy for them to get pregnant, just like I can’t control it’s not easy for us.  But B and I are about to go through the most stressful thing we’ve been through up to this point and we just need to focus on ourselves and not worry about what everyone else has going on.  Do I sound like a complete B***ch???


6 thoughts on “I feel so much better now that I told you…

  1. NOPE. No Bitch here.

    You said it exactly right – you can’t control that they got pregnant easily, and they can’t control that you did not. That means everyone has to deal with their own shit and this just happens to be yours. And yours is awful – which therefor means that you have ever right to just focus on it. There are plenty other people who are going to be over the moon happy for these girls, it is not necessary for them to insist that you be, too, given what you’re going through.

    I’m totally with ya.

  2. Agree with Stupid Stork. Not being a bitch. It’s just hard. Hard to hear someone else is pregnant and hard to be “that person” people are afraid of telling. I appreciate the sensitivity from others, but it still hurts. Good friendships are not made or broken on one thing. Your friendships will survive this. You’re just doing what you need to do to focus on yourself. Best thing you can do to get in baby shape! Hang in there.

  3. I too hate that others feel like they have to tip-toe around me. A while back I was talking to my cousin and I said, “I feel like everyone around me is pregnant”. Guess who was pregnant at the time and didn’t say anything? Then shortly after that my other cousin got pregnant. And, not one, but several people in the family decided not to tell me. I know they’re trying to be considerate, but to me that hurts even more. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself!

  4. No bitchiness found in this post. I totally get you and have felt that same exact way and acted in the same manner towards some of my friends when they were pregnant. I just couldn’t handle hearing about their pregnancies and no matter how much I explained things, they will never get what it is like to have to try so hard to get pregnant.
    *big hugs*

  5. You are not alone! My best friend is pregnant right now, and though she tries to be supportive, she just doesn’t get it. She can’t relate. She means well (I think), but then she says really insensitive things like, “I am SO happy I’m pregnant right now, I’d be totally depressed if I wasn’t pregnant by this age”…. And I’m sitting there, like “Whaaaa? Do we know each other?”
    You need to do what’s best for you, and look out for yourself, because no one else will.

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