Breathe and Reboot

Just now I was laying in bed feeling pretty bad about myself and the current circumstances my husband and I find ourselves in.  I’ve come to understand just how much infertility infects every part of life.  Recently I’ve been struggling to stay positive instead of feeling bitter about all the women who are now pregnant and have exactly what I want.  As I was having this struggle with my thoughts I was watching the Sex and the City episode where Carrie’s computer crashes and Miranda’s mother passes away.  At the end, Carrie says something about how when bad things happen in life all you can do is “Breathe and Reboot”.  And then it clicked.  This is exactly how you survive the infertility journey.  There is nothing easy about it.  There are going to be numerous setbacks and unexpected results.  There are going to be last minute changes in schedule.  You are going to have to move everything around in your life to make ultrasound appointments.  You are going to watch all of your friends, co-workers, and pretty much every woman you know get pregnant and have babies.  You are going to  have to pay hundreds to thousands of dollars for something that others get for free.  You will be asked inappropriate and rude questions about why you are “waiting” to have children.  The list goes on and on, but the point is when you board the infertility train, disappointments, setbacks, and feelings of failure are inevitable…

…and the only way to survive is to Breathe and Reboot.  Unfortunately for me, I am unable to focus on resetting my system until I’ve hit meltdown mode.  However, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing.  Meltdown mode consists of hysterical crying (usually several times throughout the day), a horribly negative mood, eating junk, and going to be early.  I am also completely inconsolable and fear for my husband if he is home to witness this.  But then the next morning I wake up and am able to regain perspective.  Then I focus on the things in my life I am incredibly lucky to have like my amazing husband, sweet puppy, supportive family and friends, a job that I love (and that has been very accommodating to my needs), and young girls that look up to me (I coach a girls soccer team).  When I focus on the positive, I think more rationally and allow myself to focus in on the plan step-by-step.  So for now, I’m putting the frustration and anger aside and I’m focusing on looking toward the next step.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I can take a deep breath and reboot my system.

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9 thoughts on “Breathe and Reboot

  1. Thank you for the comment that you left on my post “how many eggs to put into one basket”. I can really relate to your post, I’m having one of those days myself. Welcome to the blogging universe and I look forward to hearing how your IVF cycle goes, best of luck for a wonderful outcome!

  2. HI! I just found your blog through LFCA looking for fellow bloggers for support. I really love what you got from that SATC episode. Breathe and Reboot!

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